Hello twenty-ten

This would be my last entry here for 2009. Like you, I have been through a lot this year. Admittedly, 2009 is not a successful year for me. There were so many wasted days, threw away chances, wrong decisions and wasted emotions. There were so many moments that I want to rewind and change because, 2009 is a year of rejection for me. Rejection sucks but it made me realized that I must change; I need a new version of myself. Rejection made me realized that I still have to learn many things so I can prove to the world that I deserve to be a part of something big. It’s never easy, I could not even count the number of times I have cried, the number of times I felt so down and so weak. I almost lost my optimism.

The past months I was not in the mood to blog, I did not want to be very detailed about the happenings in my life because it is just all about problems, problems and problems. However, the Silence made me feel better in some ways. I was really looking forward in writing this year-end blog entry. After the I-am-not-in-the-mood-to-write-about-anything, I am happy, I am here again on BlogSpot, typing my ramblings and finally waving goodbye to 2009.

All the hardships of this year are necessary. Somehow, it would help us to face the challenges of the upcoming year. I hope that there would be more cheerful days, endless opportunities, right decisions, no regrets and good vibes all year round in 2010. God bless us. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

P. S. I will be using new tags next year. I will also try to post weekend reflections and random facts about me. I also accept link-exchange. Just inform me. Thank you.

Take five.

Five days and five lessons to remember:
1. We met people for a reason.
2. Things happen for a reason. Reasons we don’t know yet.
3. There are reasons why some people act the way they do. We have no idea what they’ve gone or going through. That’s why we have to understand and respect each other.
4. Problems help us grow into more mature persons.
5. Time takes everything away.

***

To those people I’ve met in the first week of November 2009. To those who can’t remember me and to those I can’t remember. To those who’ll forget me and to those who won’t forget me. To those I’ll forget and to those I will not forget…

Thank you for the smiles and cares. Thank you for sharing a part of your life with me. Thank you for sharing love stories, uncertainties, dreams and goals. Thank you for teaching me some life lessons, unintentionally. Thank you for helping me survived in those five strenuous but challenging days. I have no idea that it was only for five days. There are really no permanent things in life, we can’t control it, it was not for us but the good thing is it was God’s plan. Yes, it only lasted for five days but somehow I feel so blessed to meet all of you. We lost the chance to know each other more but I am still thankful for the very short experience and of course for those five lessons to remember.

PS: I missed blogging. Thank you for taking some time in reading my blog and I hope you were inspired somehow. *wink*

Litrato Batch 3

Litrato Batch 2

Photography takes an instant out of time, altering life by holding it still.

– Dorothea Lange

***

Litrato Batch 1

I have a new blog label: Litrato. I noticed that a lot of photos from My Pictures Folder are still unshared. Hence, I’ll be posting pictures here. I am not a photographer plus I don’t have a decent camera but these days I am always at lost for words about my life. Erase, Erase. I do have words but emo words. And I don't wanna blog as if I'm creating an entry for fmylife.com. Sharing pictures is better than forcing myself to write about what’s happening in my life and besides, I don’t want to be on hiatus mode. I was also thinking of creating a new tumblr.com account for my own crap – I mean photos but I have decided not to because another site to maintain isn't really good for me and in my case, tumblr.com is only for re-blogging of quotations and photographs that inspire me. I will try to post three photos every batch. Here we go:

***

I was inside a bus, March 2009.

I was going home from school, August 2008.

I took this picture before my afternoon class, Year 2008.

P.S.: Litrato means Picture in Filipino language and for more litrato from other folks, you may visit fortunatechance.tumblr.com.

Empty Chairs

They are gone. The same group of students could never occupy the same room anymore. Some of them could always go back together but will just notice the missing pieces of the puzzle. Some of them could always go back but will no longer attend the same class and will no longer have the chance to bond with the same group of students… with the same complete group of students. They are gone.

***

You’re trying to remember them, one by one. The soundless memories are playing in your head over and over again. Then you wish to retrieve those four years of your life. The four years were not perfect. It was a painful roller-coaster ride. But you still want to go back. Somehow, you know you can make it again because you belong with the same group of students. No doubt, they made you happy. They loved you, unconditionally. You feel so thankful. You want the hands of time to move counter clockwise. Of course, it’s very impossible and it saddens you.

Then you find yourself creating a blog entry after seeing a picture you took while waiting for your classmates to arrive for the usual morning class. The empty chairs symbolizes that they are gone. The picture tells you that they are gone.

But you can here your heart saying, “They are here...Always.”

Then suddenly, you smile, reach out for your cell phone and text your unforgettable classmates how much you miss them.

There are days when it only rains on me.

There will be dead-ends and u-turns.

“I don’t know myself already.”
“I don’t know what I want.”
“I am lost. I need to find myself again.”
“I don’t love myself.”
“I am angry with myself. I can’t forgive myself.”
“I am happy and sad at the same time.”

When you hear a person say any of the lines above. What is your initial reaction? Do you think that they’re so "emo" and weird? Do you get curious and ask them why? Do you take it seriously, fret for them and give them advice? Do you automatically understand what they mean because you’ve felt the same way before? Do you think it’s impossible?

Let’s read between the lines. It’s possible and there are stories behind those lines. Stories of struggle, self-pity, hardship and confusion. I know. I should know.

***

Obviously, Im back. I said that I won’t blog while I’m still a bum but I’ve changed my mind. I realized that I need to be productive through this blog. Though I can’t promise that I’ll be posting on a regular basis just like before because as I’ve said, I am a bum. My life is monotonous. There is no interesting things to share, very uneventful. FML. Maybe this entry will be the first and last for the month of August. We’ll see.

So, whats new with me? I gained a lot of pounds. I just started dieting. I don’t eat rice as part of my diet plans. But I think it’s not working because I still eat a lot. Blame the delicious foods and sweets. Blame me too ofcourse. My hair now is long and I’m planning to have a new haircut. I created two wish lists on my journal. One for material things, I wanna have this coming xmas – Camera, cellphone, books etc. The other list is for the activities I wanna do – wall climbing, sky diving, travelling etc. Unlike before, I now have a lot of time for meditation, sleeping, daydreaming, watching t.v., reading books, bonding time with family. Unlike before, I am now updated with the latest news from showbiz, politics, fashion, music. Sadly, I don’t have a social life. I miss my friends and other people from college. I have bad days and good days. Sometimes, I’m jaded. Sometimes, I enjoy being a bum. Think of it, we deserve a very long vacation right? Right. Absolutely right.

Ok. That’s all for now. I should be doing something much worthwhile like finding a place to belong in this twisted world of ours. I am starting over. Actually, I don’t know where I’m going but I’m sure that there is a place for me. I need to get a life.

P.S.: Start reading between the lines and you may also start stalking me on Plurk, Tumblr and/or Twitter. Thank you.

Goodbye my loveeerrrrr

Dear loveeerrrrr,

Hindi na dapat ako magpapaalam pa. Mas madali kasi yun, hindi ko na kailangang magpaliwanag kung bakit pansamantala akong mawawala. Kaya lang naisip ko na karapatan mong malaman ang mga dahilan. Madami na din kasi tayong pinagsamahan at ayokong mabaliwala ang lahat ng yun.

Ikaw ang labasan ko nang sama ng loob. Kung wala akong makausap, ikaw ang takbuhan ko. Saksi ka sa mga malulungkot at masasayang pangyayari sa buhay ko. Iba’t-ibang emosyon ang binubuhos ko sa’yo, madami akong pagkakamali at pagkukulang pero kahit kailan ay hindi ka nagreklamo. Mahirap man ako intindihin minsan at kadalasaan ay hindi ko deretsang sinasabi ang tunay kong pinagdadaanan ay nagawa mo parin akong pagtiisan at pagpasensyahan. Hindi mo ako hinuhusgahan. Ikaw ang kasama ko sa paglalakbay. Ikaw ang tumutulong sa akin sa pag-alala sa nakaraan. Ikaw din ang gusto kong makasama sa hinaharap. Minamahal mo ako sa espesyal na paraan at dahil sa pagmamahal na yan ay mas nakilala ko pa ang sarili ko. Dahil sa pagmamahal na yan nagkaraon ako ng pagkakataong magpakilala at makilala ang mundong ito. Salamat. Maraming maraming salamat.

Mahirap ipaliwanag kung bakit kailangan ko itong gawin. Wala akong pakialam sa sasabihin ng iba dahil ang mahalaga ay ikaw. Mahalagang maintindihan mo ang hakbang na gagawin ko, para ito sa ikabubuti nating dalawa. Hindi ko naman talagang gustong tumigil sa pakikipagkomunikasyon sa’yo. Sabi ko nga, ikaw pa din ang gusto kong makasama sa hinaharap. Sa hinaharap.. dahil sa ngayon ay kailangan kong mag-pokus muna sa ibang bagay. Tandaan mo ang paghihiwalay na ito ay pansamantala lamang at uulitin ko, ito ay makakabuti sa atin.

Kapag tumigil na ang bagyo sa buhay ko, kapag nahanap ko na ang hinahanap ko, kapag may kalulugaran na ako sa mundo, kapag karapat-dapat na ako para sa’yo, kapag lubusan ko nang minamahal ang sarili ko at kapag may internet connection na ulit sa bahay. Pangako, asahan mo, babalikan kita. Magsisimula tayo at ibabahagi natin sa iba ang mga karanasan ko. Yun naman talaga ang hangarin natin diba? Ang magbahagi at mag-silbing inspirasyon.

Isang buwan.. dalawang buwan.. hindi ko pa masabi kung hanggang kailan. Malawak ang pang-unawa mo at alam kong hindi ka tulad na iba dyan. Alam kong hihintayin mo ang pagbabalik ko. Wala kang namang choice eh at isa pa kilala mo ako, hindi ko din kaya na mawala ka ng matagal. Sigurado, hahanap-hanapin kita. Hahanap-hanapin ko ang tumupad sa pangarap kong maging manunulat. Mamimis kita ng sobra. Osha, sige na, hindi ko na pahahabain pa ang kawirduhan at kadramahang ito.

Bago ako tuluyang magpaalam nais kong sabihin na sana’y Ituring mo akong hangin simula ngayon. Hindi mo na muna akong makikitang pipindot ng newpost button. Hindi na muna tayo magtititigan kapag pinipilit ko ang sarili kong magblog at wala akong mapiling salita. Hindi muna ako magbubuhos ng kaligayahan o sama ng loob ko sa’yo. Ituring mo muna sana akong hangin, hindi mo man nakikita, sa puso’t isipan mo naman ay ang paniniwalang nasa paligid lang ako. Nagsusumikap magbago, inaabot ang mga pangarap at nasasabik na makasama ka ulit.

Hanggang sa muli,
Teresa

random thoughts stored in my cellphone

05.27.09
1.49am
I cant sleep. I am thinking of soooo manyyyyy things. I have so many plans and dreams. What would be my life 2 or 3 months from now? Whats instore for me? Theres a postsecret that says "I am thrill by the person i am becoming", i feel the same way too.

05.31.09
7.23am
On the way to Antipolo church. I am travelling to Antipolo ALONE for the 1st time in 20 years! (:

06.04.09
5.10pm
My brother has just arrived from school. He has assignments to do and lessons to study. 2 months. ago i was dying to get out from school then now i want to come back coz im missing the student life. School is cool.

5.20pm
Watching Naruto. HotsHot and Boys over Flowers are up next. I'm such a bum. I should be earning money by now instead of watching tv. I must be serious on my jobhunting career. Karirin ko na dapat talaga!

06.05.09
3.14pm
It's a windy day and I'm not feeling well. I have fever and flu.

06.10.09
11.53pm
Taking a shower before sleeping is really refreshing. I was reading my very first entry on my very first personalized journal. I'll post a picture of it on my blog soon. i do heart writing.

8.10am
I just realized that i do have a work. I am a housemaid. I am not a fulltime-tambay. I clean our house. I do the laundry. I iron clothes. I cook. I'm also tutoring my brother. I am a housemaid. Ugh.

10.43
I'm online. I should be searching for a job instead of blogging. Anyway, I am just being productive. Hehe. This will be the last time that I'll be twittering or typing thoughts in my cellphone because I already have my customized journal. Thats it. Goodbye, Goodluck and Godbless to all of us. Xiao. (:

i will never give up

This is like my life right now. Unarranged. Unorganized.Someday, I can figure it out. It will be arranged like this one below.

I can do this. I can, just wait.

galatians

May 22, 2009 - Moa and Baclaran.

weird, moody, whatever

Sometimes I am lost for words and it feels good to see a picture or a message like this one above that could almost express what I really feel inside..

Level Up

Marami akong ginawa na hindi ko dapat ginawa. Marami akong nasabi na hindi ko dapat sinabi.Marami akong hindi ginawa na dapat ginawa ko. Marami akong hindi sinabi na dapat sinabi ko. Marami akong nasaktan. Marami akong pinagsisisihan. Madami akong gustong baguhin sa nakaraan. Pero hindi ko na yun mababago pa. Ang kaya ko lang, mabuhay sa kasalukuyan at harapin ang kinabukasan.

Maraming salamat sa mga kaibigan ko..Hindi nyo ako iniwan at hindi kinakalimutan. Da best ang mga ala-ala natin. Da best kayo. Maraming salamat sa mga bloggers.. Hindi nyo man ako kilala ng personal at minsan lang ako magparamdam. Gusto ko malaman nyong madami akong natututunan sa inyo. Marahil ay isa ka sa kanila. Salamat talaga. Maraming salamat sa mga kamag-anak ko, sa mga kapatid ko.. miss ko na kayo. Mama, Papa.. kulang ang mga salitang ‘mahal ko kayo’ at ‘salamat’. At kahit kailan ay hindi ko matutumbasan lahat ng sakripisyo ninyo pero ibibigay ko lahat ng makakaya ko para sa mga pangarap natin. Patawad sa mga taong nasaktan o nainis ko.. Pasensya na hindi ko sinasadya. Sa mga nakasakit naman sa akin. Salamat pa rin. Patas na lang. At higit sa lahat maraming salamat sa Panginoon.. Salamat po sa karagdagang taon, sa mga karanasan at sa pagkakataong mabuhay. Salamat po sa lahat.

Kayong lahat ay inspirasyon ko. Kayo ang dahilan kung bakit ako patuloy na lumalaban sa mga hamon ng buhay.

Panahon na para gawin ko ang mga bagay na dapat ko gawin at sabihin ang mga kailangan kong sabihin. Panahon na para bumawi ako sa mga pagkukulang ko sa inyo at sa sarili ko. Bagong taon, Bagong simula at maraming magbabago. Maligayang ika-dalawampung kaarawan sa akin. Ayos!

fearless

Taylor Swift was born to Andrea and Scott Swift on December 13, 1989 in Wyomissing, Pennsylvania and raised on a Christmas tree farm there. She always dreamed of becoming recognized for her ability to write and sing songs. On October 24, 2006, her debut self-titled album was released via Big Machine Records. Soon it went double platinum. October 18, 2007, Taylor released a Christmas album exclusively through Target. Her sophomore album, entitled Fearless was released on November 11, 2008 and continues to rise on the charts.

Beautiful, fearless, song writer and an inspiration. Yes, I'm a fan. Because of her i decided to have a new label here on my blog. The label is SOMEONE INSPIRING. I'll be posting about people that i find very inspiring. Ok, anyway, Click this to know more about her.

"To me, "FEARLESS" is not the absence of fear. It's not being completely unafraid. To me, FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. FEARLESS is falling madly in love again, getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again... even though every time you've tried before, you've lost. It's FEARLESS to have faith that someday things will change. FEARLESS is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can't breathe without them. I think it's FEARLESS to fall for your best friend, even though he's in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they'll never stop doing, I think it's FEARLESS to stop believing them. It's FEARLESS to say "you're NOT sorry", and walk away. I think loving someone despite what peple think is FEARLESS. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is FEARLESS. Letting go is FEARLESS. Then, moving on and being alright... That's FEARLESS too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. That's why I write these songs. Because I think love is FEARLESS."
— Taylor Swift (Taylor Swift-Fearless)

seeker

Job hunting officially starts today. I'll go crazy. Goodluck to me.

Credits: syronicca

200503389

I am still alive. Though most of the time i wish i were numb.

I am here at the computer shop. We still don't have internet connection at home. Oh my, I miss those days. Sleeping late reading blogs, articles, emails, surfing the net non-stop.. As i have mentioned we're experiencing financial crisis. Hays.

Ok I'll write this without pressing the backspace button and just let my fingers talk. Hehe. Life has been so good and at the same time so bad for me. Good and bad things are happening at the same time. Mixed emotions and sometimes i wanted to shout and stop the time. But i just cant. I think, March is the turning-point of my life. Many life-changing situations happened. Hmm.. The First week of March was good. It was filled of tears of joy. Finally, after the long nights of reviewing, days of worrying, and praying so hard for miracles, me and my classmates passed calculus. Yeah, i admit i am really not good in Math so it became one of the happiest day in my life because finally, officially i am labeled as graduating student..

Good things happened at school while at home.. at home, Unexpected problems occurred. My brother had a brain tumor. He's ok now. But when I look back. It still saddens me. I will just make the story short. He had a brain tumor. We're on financial crisis. So I am really, we are really thankful to those god-send individuals who helped and are helping us. Thank you so much for the prayers and supports. But you know what? this problem became the way for us to become closer to our savior.

I just graduated last March 25. My mother wasn't able to attend because she had to be with my brother at the hospital. When I was in school i have to act as if every thing's fine.. but honestly nights before my graduation I was a crying lady.

The last days of March are spent at the hospital, but sometimes i was in school to finish my clearance, bonding moment with girlfriends though unfortunately i wasn't able to attend our block's outing.

Everything happens for a reason. Seeing little children at the hospital crying, suffering made me asked God, Why? Why these angels? but maybe some questions are really unanswered and you just have to believe on him..to believe that he is preparing something great for each one of us. Just hold on, look at the brighter side of things and you'll see.

So, yes now I am officially unemployed. My mom is pestering me since last week i guess. She wants me to start finding a job. I haven't done anything serious about it. I just attended a single job expo and registered myself at jobstreet.com. Goodluck to me. The real world is waiting.

I am alive. Though most of the time i wish i were numb, a part of my heart is still so thankful because i was able to feel, i can feel and i am going to feel different kinds of emotion and with that i am stronger and better.

I want to end this entry by sharing this poem of Helen Steiner Rice.

Our Father knows what's best for us,
So why should we complain ...
We always want the sunshine,
But He knows there must be rain.

We love the sound of laughter
And the merriment of cheer;
But our hearts would lose their tenderness
If we never shed a tear.

Our Father tests us often
With suffering and with sorrow;
He tests us, not to punish us,
But to help us meet "tomorrow."

For growing trees are strengthened
When they withstand the storm;
And the sharp cut of the chisel
Gives the marble grace and form.

God never hurts us needlessly,
And He never wastes our pain;
For every loss He sends to us
Is followed by rich gain.

And when we count the blessings
That God has so freely sent;
We will find no cause for murmuring
And no time to lament.

For Our Father loves His children,
And to Him all things are plain;
So He never sends us "pleasure"
When the "soul's deep need is pain."

So whenever we are troubled,
And when everything goes wrong,
It is just God working in us
To make "our spirits strong."

PS.-- I am student number 200503389. I am missing the college life. Every memories and friendships i made are placed close to my heart.

God Bless Us all. *wink.

star

World's Biggest Human Lasallian Star

February 11, 2009

9.30 am

I want you to find me. Hehe. So happy . I was a part of this world record. Animo!

nostalgia

Where should I begin?

Its been a long time since my last post about whats happening in my life. I decided not to blog to prevent myself from overacting by writing sad words as if its the end of the world. I waited for the storm to calm down. Though its still here, its still raining, at least now Im already smiling and my mind is flooding with positive vibes. This is good, so good. You have no idea how hard life is for me and for my family since 2009 kicked in. Failures, self-blame, self-criticism, financial problems, regrets. Everything hit me unprepared. And now

Here I am.

Smiling.
^___________________^

Ive proven that I am still the positive-thinker, the one who believes that everything happens for a reason and a day would come where everything as in everything will be alright again. I am healing from those failures. Yes, I was broken and lost. But those experiences gave me lessons that made me strong. . God allows us to make some mess and fail because he loves us. He wants us to learn.

This week is the LAST week of school. LAST week. Our thesis has been approved. Thank God. This week is also our LAST exam week. Please pray for my/our success. I can hear the graduation March sound. Hehe. But nostalgia is cripping over me. For sure i will miss this kind of life. For sure I will miss everyone who has been a part of my college life..

I am hopeful. I know the rainbow will soon be visible.

Lets make every moment of what we have now counts..

Lessons learned

There's some things that I regret
Some words I wish had gone unsaid
Some starts That had some bitter endings
Been some bad times I've been through
Damage I cannot undo
Some things I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don't really matter Life gets that much harder
It makes you that much stronger
Oh, some pages turned, Some bridges burned
But there were, Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night
Every change life has thrown me
I'm thankful for every break in my heart
I'm grateful for every scar
Some pages turned, Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

There's mistakes that I have made
Some chances I just threw away
Some roads I never should've taken
Been some signs I didn't see
Hearts that I hurt needlessly
Some wounds That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference
The past can't be rewritten
You get the life you're given
Oh, some pages turned, Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

And all the things that break you
Are all the things that make you strong
You can't change the past
Cause it's gone
And you just gotta move on
Because it's all,
Lessons learned.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Bvmu8v9M6k

Me, Myself and I 101

Sobrang daming nangyari simula nung huli kong post. Hindi ko na ikwekwento pa. Basta hindi kami nagkasundo ni Kapalaran. Sa katunayan, simula pa lamang ng taon ay sari-saring emosyon na ang naramdaman ko at sa mga emosyon na iyon ay laging nangingibabaw ang kalungkutan. Sinusubukan ko pa lang bumangon mula sa paulit-ulit na pagkadapa noong nakaraang taon sabay biglang boom! Anyway, anyway, kasalukuyan na akong nasa proseso nang paghilom, pag-aayos at pagbabalik sa mga bagay-bagay sa dapat nilang kalagyan. Dapat ay maging balanse na ulit ang lahat. Anu nga ba ang nangyari sa akin? Mahirap ipaliwanag kaya huwag mo na lang itanong. Kahit kailan hindi ko kinailangan ang panghuhusga ng sinuman. Sabi nga, may karapatan akong sumemplang na walang magbibilang kung ilang beses na akong sumemplang. Hay sa totoo lang ayoko ng sumemplang. Anyway, anyway..

Si Essa, ako at ang sarili ko ay may munting proyekto sa taong ito na pinamagatang, ME, MYSELF & I. Bawat buwan ay magpopost ako ng mga bagay-bagay tungkol sa akin, mga nararamdaman ko, mga paniniwala, kawirduhan at kung anu-anung pa basta tungkol sakin. At ito ang entry ko para sa buwan ng Enero.

Me, Myself and I 101.

1. Minsan kapag nasa jeep. Iniisip ko kung anong ang iniisip nang bawat taong kasabay ko. Iniisip kaya niya ang hirap sa buhay, problema, saya, minamahal, mga kailangan gawin, pangarap, mga pagsisisi o kaya naman baka pareho lang kami ng iniisip.
2. Puting palda at blusa ang uniporme namin nung highschool pero pangarap ko pa din ang magsuot ng uniporme ng mga nars, yung may puting stockings at cap.Gusto ko magpapicture na ganun ang suot ko.
3. Kare-kare with bagoong, Ice-cream, Cake, Sinigang with Gabi, Spagetti with cheese, sunny-side up, half-cook egg, beefsteak, bavarian doughnuts, mashed potato, sisig, coffee, shakes, kalamansi juice at hot chocolate ay ilan sa mga paborito ko at hindi pagsasawaang mga pagkain at inumin.
4. Sa Local Showbiz, idolo ko sina Sarah Geronino, Bianca Gonzalez, Heart at Kc Concepcion.
5. Mahilig ako manood ng mga teleserye at asianovela. Trip ko din manood ng mga reality shows/contests tulad ng pbb, pda, pff, at ai.
6. Ang kurso at magiging trabaho ko ay hindi man lamang sumagi sa isipan ko noon.
7. Sa loob ng 10-15 oras ay kaya kong tumagal sa paggamit ng computer. Bisyo na nga ito. Hahaha.
8. Umaabot ako ng isang oras sa pagligo. Minsan. Minsan? Minsan.
9. Mahilig ako magbasa at magsulat.
10. Gusto ko matuto ng Photography.
11. Magaling ako magtago ng tunay kong nararamdaman. Masaya kahit malungkot. Ganun.
12. Likas sa akin ang pagiging masayahing tao.
13. Hindi ako marunong magalit. Tampo at inis lang. Kaya kung magagalit man ako sa’yo. Major yun! Lagot ka! Hehehe. Pero hindi nga mangyayari yun dahil hindi ako marunong magalit. Pero malay mo.
14. Naengganyo ako isulat ito sa tagalog dahil sa mga Pinoy Blogs na kamakailan ko lang nadiskubre.
15. Masaya ako sa paglalaan mo nang oras sa pagbisita dito at sa pagbabasa. Maraming Salamat!
16. Pero mas magiging masaya ako kung sasamahan mo ako sa munting proyektong ito at gagawa ka din nang sarili mong listahan buwan-buwan ng mga kung anu-ano basta tungkol sa’yo. ( =

i am forever thankful

This is my entry for avalon.ph Final Contest! Win a Moleskine Weekly Planner! You could also join by simply answering this question:

What are you thankful for this year (2008)?

I am thankful for my parents. I am thankful for their unconditional love, understanding and undying support. No matter what happens I am sure that they will always be here for me. Even though I am an unworthy-daughter-to-carry-our-surname, even though I disobey most of the times, even though I am not someone to be proud of I can still feel their love. This year, I’ve realized how lucky I am to have a complete family and loving parents. I always have badnews for them, failures, mistakes, shortcomings, etcetera but you know what, after all, I didn’t receive any hard-hitting words from them. I thought they will shout at me. I thought they will punish and blame me but they did not. And what did I got? I received understanding, compassion, undertanding, advices... sometimes i do ask myself, what did i do to be so blessed like this?

I am thankful for my parents. For their sacrifices, for racing us, for teaching us, for providing us everything we need, for their presence, cares, supports, inspirational stories, for being a verygood example , for guidance, patience...

A lifetime is not enough for me to return all the good things they’ve done for me. My wonderful journey in this life would not be possible without them.

I need to love myself a little bit more.

This week has been very stressful. At home and in school, there’s always something to be stressed about. Honestly I didn’t perform well. I was absent or late. I missed some of our long quizzes and seat works and I wasn’t able to pass my assignments. Super Model student? Agghh what the hell?!! Traffics before and after school does sucks. Also, this week I didn’t have a decent sleep because of overnights, programming and other papers to finish. The only best thing that had happened this week is that we were able to pass the documentation of our thesis on time.

I am glad that I am still breathing, doing this blog entry and still wearing a smile on my face. This is good. I can feel that the optimism (in the middle of difficulty) I always had before is finally coming back. Yehey to me ( :

I am organizing files in my computer then I’ll continue reviewing my lessons later. I miss my bed. I miss bloghopping. I miss my friends. I miss myself.

Next week is our prelim week plus I also need to take those long quizzes I’ve missed. Simbang Gabi starts next week so let’s make sure not to miss it ok? Ok.

“Sometimes you just cant tell someone how you really feel. Not because you don’t know why, not because you don’t know your purpose, not because you didn’t trust them, but because you can never really find the right words to make them understand”

Paano

My computer clock shows that it's 5:14 am. The morning person in me is alive again. I have so many things to do. Just thinking of those things makes my head ache.

---
Paano ka magmamahal ng iba kung mismong sarili mo ay hindi mo magawang mahalin?
Paano ka lalaban kung ang kalaban mo ay ang sarili mo rin?
Paano ka umaasa kung alam mong wala ng pag-asa?
Paano ka nagpapatuloy kung alam mong wala ng patutunguhan?
Paano?
---

*C# mode*
Hoping this week would end..

perfectly fine.

realization

"I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me. But it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst.

And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold onto it. And then it flows through me like rain, and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry. You will someday."

Lines from american beauty
Image from postsecret

The picture, the words in it, and the lines from american beauty tells what i really wanted to write. It's nice to know that I am not alone and other people feels the same way too. The past weeks, i was so emo :( everything was a problem for me but now i've decided to be happy ( : and take everything as a challenge. There's so much beauty in the world. so much..

ironies

July 2008, I created a thread, asking people what are the ironies in their lives.

bankereconomist : you can't get everything all at once
people usually deny their negatives and shortcomings

shychic : sometimes you become the person you exactly hate

ermonski : your gain, other's loss
we're so happy that my nephew was born a week ako... in exchange... the Lord took my grandmother earlier...we'll miss you lola!

irie : a traffic jam when you're already late~
a no-smoking sign on your cigarette break~
its meeting the man of my dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife~
its the good advice that you just didnt take..who would've thought.. it figures~

makalogic : Build your life, hopes, and dreams for that future family of your own...but choosing
to be alone so you can get there as fast as you can
We begin to die...the moment we are conceived.
Each second is a second closer to the time of your death, yaiks!

edfaj33 : letting go of someone i used to have tapos saka naman siya sinisimulan iaccept nila mama...like, i've ben hiding him from my family for such a long time tapos after i decided to stop na, saka naman bumait sila mama sa guy, as in they are already showing signs na they are ready to accept the guy...grrr! hehehe,..ala naman probs yung guy eh, sobrang bait nga...but with all this pressures im having right now, ayoko muna ng any attachment...ganun lang... ironic.

pokerbuff : The girl I want does not want me, the girl I don't want wants me.

h2z33 : he asks you to come back to the philippines so you'll be together (you on the otherhand, is currently in san francisco enjoying life with your family) ... and it doesnt happen... for some cosmic reason, you just cant be together. sus! to make it worse,.. you are now alone. no family and no significant other

triniti : im not happy at work.. because they pay me to do no work at all. hehe

rendaku : My irony is, one cannot identify me by my handwriting.

^pusa^ : the person who shape you on who you are today, is also the same person who will destroy you.

kauriehart : Life doesn't always turn out the way you plan. Life is like a box of chocolate, you'll never what you get.

yellowribbon : i used to think that if you finish college, get yourself a good job, have good business apart from that stable job, find a man, earn respect of your peers, life would be perfect. but nooo, life always finds a way to screw things up

starrynight : searching for life in the midst of death. loving someone in a dead-end relationship. seeing hope in a hopeless situation.

jill0624 : love changes and cures a person.. but at the same time, it can be a trap.. it can destroy a person who gives her/himself completely..

spoiledangel : i like a guy younger than me but i dont know what he feels. then, another guy younger than me is making his moves but i dont like him.

nightwing05 : telling the truth and having no one believe you..
creating the flimsiest excuse and actually have someone accept it..
tsk, tsk, tsk..

feistyvirago : Even with the best laid plans you have set up for yourself, anticipating all the worst case scenarios even so you have a back-up plan (Plan B), someone or something would always happen that is even worse than you have ever anticipated, majorly screwing your plans. So you want to start all over again, but this time, you just don't want to plan anymore. Haaay.

damnright : people often don't get what they wanted but they're not getting what they deserve either.

So, whats yours?

Questions

How do you speak without words?
How do you cry without tears?
What is music without melody?
Is it like love without pain?

Why does the leaves,
Waits for the fall to wither?
Why does the sun,
Sometimes doesn't shine?
Why do people in love say,
They can touch the sky?
Then end up with,
A sad good bye.

Why do we sacrifice,
In order to gain?
Why not expect,
When you have all the hopes?
Why is there a struggle in every fight?
And cry yourself to sleep at night.

How do you feel a moment,
When it isn't even yours?
How do you smile,
When your heart is aching?
How do you read the writings on the wall,
When it is all between the lines?
Just, how do you?


Written by: cherlaurel

one thing about human being that puzzles me the most

Human beings are funny…they long to be with people they love but refuse to admit openly. Some are afraid to show even the slightest sign of affection because of fear. Fear that their feeling may not be recognized or, even worse, returned… but one thing about human being that puzzles me the most is their conscious effort to be remotely connected with their object of affection, even if it kills them slowly within. -Sigmund Freud

advices from bob ong

Here are some of my favorites..

Nalaman kong hindi final exam ang passing rate ng buhay. hindi ito multiple choice, identification, true or false, enumeration or fill-in-the- blanks na sinasagutan kundi essay na isinusulat araw-araw. Huhusgahan ito hindi base sa kung tama o mali ang sagot, kundi base sa kung may kabuluhan ang mga isinulat o wala. Allowed ang erasures.

Nalaman kong habang lumalaki ka, maraming beses kang madadapa. Bumangon ka man ulit o hindi, magpapatuloy ang buhay, iikot ang mundo, at mauubos ang oras.

Nalaman kong marami palang libreng lecture sa mundo, ikaw ang gagawa ng syllabus. Maraming teacher sa labas ng eskuwelahan, desisyon mo kung kanino ka magpapaturo. Lahat tayo enrolled ngayon sa isang university, maraming subject na mahirap, pero dahil libre, ikaw ang talo kung nag-drop ka. Isa-isa tayong ga-graduate, iba't-ibang paraan. tanging diploma ay ang mga alaala ng kung ano mang tulong o pagmamahal ang iniwan natin sa mundong pinangarap nating baguhin minsan.

Kung hindi mo mahal and isang tao, wag ka nang magpakita ng motibo para mahalin ka nya.

Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan ang sarili mo kung walang pwesto para sayo. Eh meron naman hagdan, ayaw mo lang pansinin.

Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na araw ayaw mo na din sa kanya, naunahan ka lang

Hindi lungkot o takot ang mahirap sa pag-iisa kundi ang pagtanggap na sa bilyon-bilyong tao sa mundo, wala man lang nakipaglaban upang makasama ka.

ayokong nasasanay sa mga bagay na pwede namang wala sa buhay ko

Bakit ka magpaparamdam sa taong hindi marunong makaramdam? Wag kang magpakatanga, sa taong hindi marunong magpahalaga. Matuto kang sumuko at mang-iwan, kung lagi ka namang sinasaktan.

Imbis na magtanong ka ng "Hindi pa ba sapat?" Bakit hindi mo na lang kalimutan ang lahat? Kung alam mong binabalewala ka na, tanggapin mong nagsasawa na sya. Wag kang magpadala sa salitang "sorry" at "ayokong mawala ka" kung totoo yun, patunayan nya.

Pag pinag-aagawan ka, malamang maganda ka o gwapo ka. Tandaan mo: Sumama ka sa mabuti, di sa mabait. Sa marunong, di sa matalino. Higit sa lahat, sa mahal ka, di sa gusto ka.

Ano namang mapapala mo sa kakaisip sa nakaraan at sa mga pwede pang mangyari? Wala ka naman cgurong super powers para maibalik ang nakalipas na. Dapat matuto kang pahalagahan ang mga nangyayari sayo sa kasalukuyan. I-enjoy mo lang ang buhay. Wag kang Emo. Hindi ka talaga magiging masaya kung di mo tutulungan ang sarili mo. Natural lang na makaramdam ng lungkot paminsan-minsan pero ang pagiging miserable? Wag kang hibang, choice mo yan.

"Paano mo masasabing special ka sa isang tao kung ang bawat ginagawa niya sayo ay ginagawa din niya sa iba? "

habang lumalaki ka, maraming beses kang madadapa. bumangon ka man ulit o hindi, magpapatuloy ang buhay, iikot ang mundo at mauubos ang oras

hindi porket madalas mong ka-chat, kausap sa phone, kasama sa mga lakad o katext wantusawa e may gusto sayo at makaka tuluyan mo na....may mga tao lang talaga na sadyang friendly,sweet,flirt o paasa

pero mas mabuting mabigo sa paggawa ng isang bagay kesa magtagumpay sa paggawa ng wala

hindi dahil sa hindi mo naiintindihan ang isang bagay ay kasinungalingan na ito. at hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay katotohanan.

Gamitin ang puso para alagaan ang mga taong malalapit sa iyo.Gamitin ang utak para alagaan ang sarili mo.

Pakawalan mo yung mga bagay na nakakasakit sa iyo kahit na pinasasaya ka nito. Wag mong hintayin ang araw na sakit na lang ang nararamdaman mo at iniwan ka na ng kasiyahan mo.

ang mundo, sa totoong buhay, ay hindi 'yung makulay na murals na nakikita sa mga pre-school. Hindi ito laging may rainbow, araw , ibon, puno at mga bulaklak

Sana ang pag-ibig ay katulad ng pamasahe sa jeep na kapag buo ang binigay mo, sinusuklian ka pa din kahit papaano..

Kahit kailan walang maling desisyon. Nagiging mali lamang ang isang desisyon kung hindi ito napaninindigan

hindi ba malaking pagkakamali ng maraming eskuwelahan na gawing 0 to 10% lang ang 'character' sa computation ng grades, mas mababa sa periodical test (20%), project (30%), at class standing (40%) gayong character ang humuhulma sa tao, pamilya, bansa, mundo, at kasaysayan?

sked

Never ending seatworks, shortquizzes, longquizzes, assignments, projects, recitations, major exams, thesis, thesis, thesis. Whew. My "24-units-left-to-graduate". Super overload. Super expensive. Grhh I need financial supports. Anyone? lol. Please do pray for me, for my blockmates, and for all the graduating students around the world...

time flies so fast

One thing I hate about myself is that I am a ...

procrastinator.

I have a LOT of things to be done, I know my deadlines, I know what I need to do but I postpone doing it and do unimportant things first. So lazy, so immature!

I hate it and I want to stop it. SOON? No! This kind of attitude must be stopped NOW.

You? Do you procrastinate? How much do you procrastinate? Any advice on how to stop procrastinating?

messed up

If not because of my mistakes and its consequences I wouldn’t be the person I am now. I wouldn’t have the chance to learn some important life lessons and I will not have the chance to know how it feels to be so messed up and lost. You know what? After all, I am still very thankful and blessed. I am now starting over and pushing forward. I know this is the best way to go.

Sometimes.. it is okay to make mistakes. It's an experience.

quest?on

Yeah. I am losing my way. My life's complicated.
What will happen next?

horoscope

I am not the type of person who rely and believe so much in horoscopes but i do love checking my friendster horoscope and today it offers a good advice. I think it's right and suits me.

The Bottom Line
Putting all your effort into minimizing risk doesn't always pay off -- just relax.

In Detail
Putting effort into minimizing your risk doesn't always pay off -- sometimes, you just can't avoid it no matter how hard you try. You could be paralyzing yourself by focusing so much on what could go wrong -- because a million things could go wrong, and you can't prevent all of them! Instead, you need to start focusing on what could go right! That will help you swing into a healthier, more productive gear. Your subconscious is actively moving into a brighter future, so why don't you follow it?

So, whats your horoscope for today?

optimism vs pessimism

warning : long post at mejo madrama ito. tsktsk!

nitong mga nakaraang araw hindi ko talaga alam ang dapat kong maramdaman. minsan napaka-positibo ko sa kabila ng lahat pero may mga pagkakataong napaka-negatibo ko. manhid na lang sana ako. walang pakiramdam. walang lungkot. walang ganitong drama. nakakapagod na eh.

minsan negatibo..

Ang hirap. Ang hirap malagay sa ganitong sitwasyon. May mga sandaling hopeful ako pero may mga sandaling feeling ko napaka-loser kong tao, tulad ngayon. Kung tutuusin ako naman ang may kasalanan ng lahat. Ako naman ang may kagagawan. Pero bakit ganito? Bakit hindi ko matanggap? Sobrang nagbago na ba ako? Ang sama ko na ba talaga? Nasan na ang dating ako? Kakayanin ko kaya? Mapapatawad ko pa ba ang sarili ko? Kailan ulit ako lubos na magiging masaya. Ang tanga ko. Ang loser ko. Ang Iyakin ko. Ang pessimist ko. Ang selfish ko. Amp. Sna maglaho na lang ako. ayoko na pagod nako sawa nako. i am wasted. failure sucks.

minsan naman positibo..

kaya mo yan. pagsubok lang yan. sa bawat pangyayari sating buhay maganda man o pangit ay may aral na mapupulot dyan. alam ko minsan feeling mo hindi mo na kaya. minsan ayaw mo ng ngumiti. madalas nais mo lang mag-isa. pero tingnan mo. may nangyayari ba? magsimula ka na lang muli. kung ano man ang mga pagkakamali mo, tamain mo. Alam ko minsan parang imposible na ang lahat. pero alam mo namang posible pa din diba? may pag-asa pa naman diba. May dahilan kung bakit nangyayari ang lahat. ibalik mo ang dating ikaw o kung hindi mo na kya ibalik. magsimula ka ulit. bagong ikaw, mas matatag, mas madiskarte. mas matapang. At kung pwde lang isaksak mo ito sa kukute mo : “There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they're necessary to reach the places we've chosen to go.” Madami ka nang napagdaanan. kaya mo yan noh! At isa pa wag mong kalimutang magdasal. kapit lang. kapit lang. ganyan talaga ang buhay yung mga plano mo sa sarili mo minsan hindi magwowork-out. Yan ang thrill, excitement. Ang boring naman kung laging msaya. baka wala ka ng matutunan. paano mo malalaman ang sarap na tagumpay kung hindi mo naman natikman ang pait ng pagdurusa? go on girl.. go on!

ayan kahit papano nalaman mo na kung pano ko kausapin ang sarili ko sa isip. hehe. slightly nakakabaliw na nga eh. pero ganito siguro talaga. kailangan maging ok. hmm..ok..ok.."ok lang", madalas kong sabihin kapag may nagtanong kung kamusta na ko. pero ang totoo. hindi ako ok. nagpapaka-ok lang. kapag sinabi kong hindi ako ok, kailangan ko pa ipaliwanag sa kanila isa-isa. ang problema ko. kailangan ko pa ipaintindi na ganito-ganyan, wag na lang, super stress na ko. intindihin nyo na lang kahit mahirap intindihin.

optimism vs pessimism. mas gusto ko ung optimism siyempre pero minsan sadyang hindi mapigilan na mag-isip nang hindi maganda. sometimes i feel so strong. but sometimes i feel so weak. so lost. so confused. minsan ayoko na lang isipin. ayoko na lang pag-usapan. hay buhay nga naman. ang emo-emo ko na tuloy. pero alam mo may narealize ako. alam ko na'to dati pero iba pala yung impact ng mga aral sa buhay kapag sa'yo na nangyari: ang mga mistakes ay nais sating iparealize na sa buhay. walang rewind. reset. pause. flashback. hindi mo na mababago ang nakaraan kaya naman ingat ka sa mga desisyon at hakbang mo. pahalagahan ang kasalukuyan. mabuhay sa kasalukuyan.

Pagsubok

Isip mo'y litong lito
Sa mga panahong nais mong malimot
Bakit ba bumabalakid
Ang iyong mundong ginagalawan
Ang buhay ay sadyang ganyan
Sulirani'y di mapigilan
Itanim mo lang sa 'yong pusong
Kaya mo yan....

Pagkabigo't alinlangang
Gumugulo sa isipan
Mga pagsubok lamang 'yan
Huwag mong itigil ang laban
Huwag mong isuko....sadyang labanan

Huwag mong isiping ikaw lamang
Ang may madilim na kapalaran
Ika'y hindi tatalikuran
Ng ating ama na siyang lumikha
Hindi lang ikaw ang nagdurusa
At hindi lang ikaw ang lumuluha
Pasakit mo'y may katapusan
Kaya mo 'yan....

Lead me Lord

Lead me Lord, lead me by the hand
And make me face the rising sun
Comfort me through all the pain That life may bring
There's no other hope That I can lean upon
Lead me Lord Lead me all my life

Walk by me, walk by me across
The lonely road that I may face
Take my arms and let your hand Show me the way
Show the way to live inside your heart
All my days, all my life

You are my light
You're the lamb upon my feet
All the time my Lord
I need You there
You are my light I cannot live alone
Let me stay By Your guiding love
All through my life
Lead me Lord

Lead me Lord Even though at times
I'd rather go alone my way
Help me take the right direction
Take Your road
Lead me Lord And never leave my side
All my days All my life

You are my light
You're the lamb upon my feet
All the time my Lord
I need You there
You are my light I cannot live alone
Let me stay By Your guiding love
All through my life
Lead me Lord

Image owned by Southpaw

write, write and write

WifelySteps.com and Avalon.Ph is giving away a Moleskine journal. So I'm trying to push my luck on this to have the notebook. You can also join the contest by answering this question : "What would you write in your Moleskine?"

I would write about my journey.. about my life.. my experiences, my random thoughts, my dreams, hopes, and desires. I would write about people.. about my friends.. my love ones.. my family. I would write about them because they are inspiring and I learned a LOT from them. With that my moleskine will be filled with wonderful and inspiring stories. I would write my life lessons, my mistakes and challenges that made me strong. I would write my favorite quotes. I would write about my feelings. Happiness, sadness, everything.. I would like to write everything in my Moleskine so when the future comes I could go back to the past just by reading it all over again.

inspiration

Got this from soompi.

"Sometimes it just takes patience for everything to happen. You won't get respect in just one day, you can't be in love with someone you just met, and you won't be able to forgive yourself in a second. I’ve learned that helping people is good, but helping someone too much won't let them grow. You grow by making mistakes, getting hurt and learning from your regrets. Thoughts are there to help guide you to your decision. It’s you that has to take that first step into the pathway of happiness. It’s your doing that makes you who you are. Don’t assume; get your fact straight. That is what messes a lot of people up. There’s always the true story and reasoning behind everything. We are all different, but have one thing in common, we all want happiness. it is like we're all trying to fight for it, trying to get what we want, and it makes us forget the whole reason why we wanted it in the first place. Nobody said life is going to be easy. life is what you make of it. Don’t be selfish. Don’t limit yourself from doing things just because you don't think you can make it through. Remember, time isn't going to wait for you, so. Make the best of it."

Someone said there that "quotes are inspiration for the uninspired". Well, I think I need more quotes. I need inspiration.

best actress

I think I could be . . . the best actress;
for making my own life miserable,
for being the cause of their sufferings,
for crying litre of tears
and for acting as if everything's okay.

happy loner

I want to ...

* go to moa; window-shop. buy a book. buy a shirt. eat ice-cream. witness the beautiful sunset or sunrise.

*have a new haircut.

*sing @ the videoke; sing atleast 20 songs. yes. 20! (maybe on my 20th bday, yey!)

*go to a library; a library where i could find the books i wanted to read for the past months. read them and make a book review.

*watch movie; not a horror-movie. hmm i like a romantic-comedy.

*go to a concert; watch my fave artists perform live! that's cool!

* go to a church for another one-on-one talk with the Lord.

*take pictures during all the listed plans above and share it here.

You can call me a loner coz I want to do the above plans ALONE, though it would be fun with family and friends. Hmm I just want to date myself. A loner-trip, you could say. This is for the record. This would be an escape from all the problems @ home and school. Of all the things happening right now, I think I deserve these plans. This is also for things-i-did-for-the-first-time-list. This is for finding myself once again. And this can surely put a smile on my face ( :

so true : [

I really don't have the mood to explain what i am feeling right now. So, I tried Colorgenics again. Guess what? Somehow, it stated the me right now.

Everyone feels despondent at times and you are no exception. You are feeling so depressed because it seems that everything that could go wrong has gone wrong and you don't quite know which way to turn. So like the proverbial ostrich you are trying to bury your head in the sand. But that won't work - you have to face reality.

For some time now you have been feeling rather insecure. You are looking for - and needing - an environment that can offer you roots, stability and a position that will relieve you of excess tension and stress.

Everyone, sooner or later gets that feeling that one has been cut off from reality, cut off from everything that's going on around them. It usually happens when there is a complete lack of understanding and co-operation - be it from friends, family or loved ones. So what can one do about it? Instead of pondering as to what the future may hold, do something different. Make a cup of coffee. Have a shower. Read a book. Watch your favourite soap opera. Because as soon as you become involved in something different, the original disassociated feelings will dissipate.

You are experiencing considerable stress which is essentially the result of on going rejection and hostility. You are in the unpleasant position where offers of trust, affection and understanding are being withheld and you are being treaded with a degrading lack of consideration. You feel that you are being denied the appreciation that you deserve, which is essential to your well-being and self-esteem, but you have to face up to the situation because as matters stand at this time there is little that you can do about it - you feel that you are getting nowhere and the continuous struggle is a lonely one: all difficulties and no encouragement. Whatever you try to say or do is met with continuous hostility and no matter how much you protest you are consistently misunderstood. You need to escape from the situation but you are so perplexed that you cannot find the strength of mind to make the necessary decision.

Perhaps in the distant past your trust and belief in your fellow man was misplaced and you can now no longer accept anything as it appears to be. You are untrusting and you insist that before you commit yourself to anything, you examine the pro's and con's with critical discrimination. The situation has now progressed to one where you are apt to disagree yet not make any form of constructive criticism to every suggestion that may be put to you. As a result you are in limbo. There is a saying that goes 'The past does not equal tomorrow'. Think about it - and let go.

friendship

Sa friendship daw, walang iwanan, walang sakitan
Pero ang totoo ay kabaligtaran nyan.

Pero minsan may mga kaibigang nandyan lagi sa tabi nyo iniintindi kayo pero bulag kayo na makita sila at tanggapin
meron ding kaibigan na sasapok sa'yo minsan kapag alam nilang mali ka para na rin sa kabutihan mo pero sa huli sila pa ang nagiging masama pero hindi ka nila ginigive-up, ikaw lang
may kaibigan ding through downfall at mistakes mo nandyan sa tabi mo para damayan ka kahit anong mangyari
kaibigan na nakikinig sa'yo kapag may problema ka.. umiiyak kapag umiiyak ka.. tumatawa kapag tumatawa ka at ang mga kaibigan na kasama mo sa mga times na masaya ka
- yan ang tunay na kaibigan. Kung naghahanap ka ng ganyan. Nandito ako naghihintay sa'yo. Sana pansinin mo ang friendship na inoofer ko. - written by a friend, Glaiza a.k.a. Zayl

the rope

I am hanging in this rope too. The time is running out. The rope is breaking. My hands are hurting and there were times that I wanted to let go. I wanted to just open my hands and fall...

I was the one who put myself on this situation. I hate it. So I think I have to love myself more as in MORE! Now, I dont know what will happen next. I am just preparing myself. No one will catch me I know. And if I fall I will not only hurt myself but also the people hoping for my success.

Sorry, I dont want to sound so negative I just have to let these feelings out. Don't worry, I still have enough hope to pass this. I think I am just afraid that's why negative thoughts are entering my head. Anyway, I'll do my best!

One last thing, can I ask you a favor. Please Pray for me. I need your prayers.

college lyf survey

1. School mo?

- DLSU-D
2. College course mo?
- BS in Computer Science
3. Anong year mo na?
- 4rth year
4. Anong color ng uniform mo?
- green, white + wash day
5. Cnu-cno tropa mo s skul mo?
- Bcs42
6. Fave tambayan?
- baba ng dorm, kubos..
7. San kau palage kumakain?
- baba ng dorm, square..
8. Kaninong fave haus kau lge gumagawa pg group proj?
- iba-iba eh. pero sa thesis madalas haws ni glaiza!
9. Sino mdalas mong kasama?
- girlfriendz [edz.aiza.glaiz.chelle.joyann.f8]
10. Sino kasabay mong pumasok?
- wala.
11. Sino kasabay mong umuwe?
- si glaiza ( :
12. Fave pntahan pg walang class?
- hmm.. kahit san..
13. Ano ang paborito mong subject?
- anu nga ba?! sa totoo lang mas gusto ko yung mga minor subjects ( :
14. bkit un ang pinili mong skul?
- gusto ni mama.
15. Fave hnihiram ng clasm8 m sau?
- notes at powder haha!
16. kabisado mo ba ang skul hymn nio?
- hail hail alma mater hail to de la salle!...
17. plagi ka bng late?
- hahaha what a question,.. always kaya pero nagbabago na'ko!
18. palagi ka bng ngllakwatsa?
- hindi. minsan lang. kapag trip lang namin.
19. Ngccutting classes k b?
- wahihi.. minsan lng. ngaung 4rth yr lng yta.
20. palagi ka bng absent?
- wahihi.. ngaung 4rth yr lng din yata. pasaway n ko. hehe
21. May crush ka ba s classrum?
- uhm.. wla eh..
22. College life crush?
- hmm.. si bf ko. kapag nalaman nya break na kami. nyahaha.
23. Ano oras ka umuuwi?
- 6,7, or 8!
24. Best thing in college?
- inspiring lessons, people & friends. at mga outside campus activities! ( :
25. last na toh..i-rate mo 1-10 ang college life mo, 1 ang mababa?
- 9.. kahit kung anu-ano na nangyari.. super saya naman.. daming natututunan.. daming first time experiences. ayun, kaya 9!