200503389

I am still alive. Though most of the time i wish i were numb.

I am here at the computer shop. We still don't have internet connection at home. Oh my, I miss those days. Sleeping late reading blogs, articles, emails, surfing the net non-stop.. As i have mentioned we're experiencing financial crisis. Hays.

Ok I'll write this without pressing the backspace button and just let my fingers talk. Hehe. Life has been so good and at the same time so bad for me. Good and bad things are happening at the same time. Mixed emotions and sometimes i wanted to shout and stop the time. But i just cant. I think, March is the turning-point of my life. Many life-changing situations happened. Hmm.. The First week of March was good. It was filled of tears of joy. Finally, after the long nights of reviewing, days of worrying, and praying so hard for miracles, me and my classmates passed calculus. Yeah, i admit i am really not good in Math so it became one of the happiest day in my life because finally, officially i am labeled as graduating student..

Good things happened at school while at home.. at home, Unexpected problems occurred. My brother had a brain tumor. He's ok now. But when I look back. It still saddens me. I will just make the story short. He had a brain tumor. We're on financial crisis. So I am really, we are really thankful to those god-send individuals who helped and are helping us. Thank you so much for the prayers and supports. But you know what? this problem became the way for us to become closer to our savior.

I just graduated last March 25. My mother wasn't able to attend because she had to be with my brother at the hospital. When I was in school i have to act as if every thing's fine.. but honestly nights before my graduation I was a crying lady.

The last days of March are spent at the hospital, but sometimes i was in school to finish my clearance, bonding moment with girlfriends though unfortunately i wasn't able to attend our block's outing.

Everything happens for a reason. Seeing little children at the hospital crying, suffering made me asked God, Why? Why these angels? but maybe some questions are really unanswered and you just have to believe on him..to believe that he is preparing something great for each one of us. Just hold on, look at the brighter side of things and you'll see.

So, yes now I am officially unemployed. My mom is pestering me since last week i guess. She wants me to start finding a job. I haven't done anything serious about it. I just attended a single job expo and registered myself at jobstreet.com. Goodluck to me. The real world is waiting.

I am alive. Though most of the time i wish i were numb, a part of my heart is still so thankful because i was able to feel, i can feel and i am going to feel different kinds of emotion and with that i am stronger and better.

I want to end this entry by sharing this poem of Helen Steiner Rice.

Our Father knows what's best for us,
So why should we complain ...
We always want the sunshine,
But He knows there must be rain.

We love the sound of laughter
And the merriment of cheer;
But our hearts would lose their tenderness
If we never shed a tear.

Our Father tests us often
With suffering and with sorrow;
He tests us, not to punish us,
But to help us meet "tomorrow."

For growing trees are strengthened
When they withstand the storm;
And the sharp cut of the chisel
Gives the marble grace and form.

God never hurts us needlessly,
And He never wastes our pain;
For every loss He sends to us
Is followed by rich gain.

And when we count the blessings
That God has so freely sent;
We will find no cause for murmuring
And no time to lament.

For Our Father loves His children,
And to Him all things are plain;
So He never sends us "pleasure"
When the "soul's deep need is pain."

So whenever we are troubled,
And when everything goes wrong,
It is just God working in us
To make "our spirits strong."

PS.-- I am student number 200503389. I am missing the college life. Every memories and friendships i made are placed close to my heart.

God Bless Us all. *wink.